Went out to watch up 3d today. The plot was quite ordinary, at least for the cartoon. I still like Howl’s moving castle more though it is not 3d. I realised that not all of the shots in up is 3d. It’s a bit disappointing. Halfway through, Bryan called and asked me to go for an interview. I told him that I would call him later but his line has been engaged since. Saw smt cute yesterday when I popped into the minimart when I was having my night stroll.

yupps. I’m here again.

The reason I’ve decided to blog here cos I think nobody will be here to know my misery. Sometimes, I feel that if I ceased to exist nobody will notice. Every time I talk and is interrupted, I just let it be and no one will know what I’m thinking anyway. It’s difficult you see… Trying to let someone understand you. I have a lot of problems. I just don’t say it. I really tried to shake the idea of death away but you see… when I’m alone it comes back. The reason I am not afraid of ghosts is because I’m so lonely that I thought maybe they will be a good source of companion.  

I remember in secondary school days, I could talk to my best friends about anything at all. All my problems ain’t problems when we laughed and gossiped away. I made one of them promised that we will always be best friends but I think perhaps she is so busy that I thought that we would become strangers soon or maybe we already are? I really don’t know.

Ya, the guys. You would accused me of being irony. Why did I dumped those guys or rather break away from them when we got too close. I don’t want them to be like me. To remember him forever. The fact that I still love Evan is a time bomb in my heart. I’m afraid that once I accept someone, I may hurt them cause he is the only one in my heart. For around 4 years, I tried hard every night to stop missing him. Him warm body against mine. The touch of his hair. The “Are you Okay?” look on his face. The way he pulled me to buy a present for me. The first kiss in front of the library. The fact that he doesn’t love me anymore shattered the dream in my mind. He was the first one to shower so much love on me. Yet when we meet, I tried so hard to let him believe that I love him no more. I was afraid. His non chalant actions. My broken heart.  

Decided to blog in wordpress as Blogger proved to be a total failure. Was in a bad mood today. Started to study for scriptwrit and MAYA. Went back to granny house to return her stuff and get some clothes. Haha! 

MIssed granny alot alot wors. She is still as blur as before.  Head back home after a nap which made my eyes so dried. On the bus, there’s a Indian guy who kept open and closing his bag. Every time he did that I thought he wanted to get down so I moved. I was so irritated by his actions and his music is so loud that I can hear despite the fact that both of us are using headphones. Okays, I’m in a Very bad mood now. Had a quarrel with my useless brother just now but I was really disappointed with his childish behaviour. My sister was sitting on a chair in front of him. He kicked my sister’s chair and said that he couldn’t see the television. Kicked her chair, she may fall you know? Damm angry. CHILDISH! I hope he can die soon, I promise I will be very happy. He is just a burden to this family. USELESS!!!

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Caffeine

I forget to say that the last post is dedicated to Jun Feng, a really nice guy who always help the girls to carry their bags when needed. And that post is meant to tell him that “look other people are having a real hard time coping with that disease so stop hoping that you will get it, okays?” People always hope to get a sickness or something so that others would want to care for them but I simply think that gaining sympathy from others may not be the same as gaining their genuine care. If you want to get someone’s care and concern, i think you must make yourself worthwhile of that. Do something that makes you deserve their care and concern. Or care for someone when you still have the chance so take that first step to care for someone or something. Today, I am going to talk about tea, my favorite drink.

I have always like to take tea. White tea especially but I was worried that the caffeine in the tea may be harmful to my body so I did try to do some research about it. I found out that experts agree that moderate intakes of caffeine should not be harmful and was really glad about that.

The UK Food Standards Agency recommended that the general population and pregnant women should not have more than 300mg of caffeine a day (e.g. four cups of instant coffee or six cups of regular tea). Three headache pills would contribute 150 mg of caffeine to your intake.

Food or beverage Typical caffeine content:
1 mug of instant coffee 100mg
1 cup of brewed coffee 100mg
1 cup of instant coffee 75mg
1 cup of tea 50mg
1 can of cola less than 40mg
1 can of caffeine-containing “energy” drink 80mg
1 chocolate bar (50g) less than 50mg
1 typical headache tablet* 50mg

So be mindful of how much caffeine you take each day. It should not be more than 300mg.
Caffeine also cause people to be addicted to it. It also increases blood pressure so people with high blood pressure shouldn’t take too much of caffeine, this includes a large population of elderly. Excessive intakes of caffeine also increases the chance of one getting osteoporosis. BUT we should not forget the positive effects of caffeine too.
Research indicates that caffeine can reduce the risk of people developing Parkinson’s disease and possibly liver cancer. Indications that caffeine may decrease liver damage are also found.

Caffeine can also increase the resting metabolic rate (RMR) in lean and obese people, which is why it is often included in slimming pills and products, including herbal diet pills.
Caffeine is known to enhance athletic performance, reduce fatigue and improve recovery in athletes.
Because of its stimulant properties, caffeine can also help people stay awake and be more alert in situations where they are required to concentrate.

With references…http://www.health24.com/dietnfood/DietDocs_articles/15-1871,36311.asp

Diary entry number one thousand nine hundred and one day

Diary entry number one thousand nine hundred and one day
I popped my number one thousand, nine hundred and one pill into my mouth that is searing in pain. I had to take that pill twice a day in order to reduce my feeling of nausea. Feeling weak in the morning due to several vomiting within two hours , I hate it more than any words can express. Yet I know the worse still have not come crushing into my life yet.

“Hey, good morning. How are you feeling today?” Miss See, the friendliest nurse in the hospital asked with concern. She was pretty in her white nurse uniform, smiling and revealing her straight white teeth.

“I’m okays,” I smiled and said weakly. I did not want people that was concern about me to worry. It came again but fortunately I rushed into the toilet just in time with help from Miss See. Then she helped me back to my bed and poured a glass of plain water for me. The sunlight shot past the crystal clear of water. I wished I was clean and clear without any sickness just like the water. Holding the glass of water with my right hand, I gulped down the water quickly to reduce the disgusting smell in my mouth. I saw my right hand , nasty rashes almost filled themselves on my pale skin. Miss See saw the sadness welled up in my eyes, and stroked my hair gently.

“Don’t worry, they will fade soon enough.” Miss See murmured.

“Will they?” I laughed, really happy that they will with confirmation from Miss See.

“Of course they will. I have to leave you alone for a while.” She said showing her best smile on earth. I nodded a little and saw her back view getting further. I was alone again. You might ask where are my family? Why aren’t they here? This is not a drama serial where the patients always got visits from their family and where everything have a happy ending.

My mother and father have to work day and night to get money for my long term stay in the hospital. It lasted about 5 years already, I am still lying in this bed and my poor parents still slogging their guts out to support my useless life. I tried to be strong, I always put on a false front in front of all. I felt like a puppet and the controller, my sickness, the leukemia(ALL). When can I snap off the strings that controls? I really do not know, but I know I got to be strong, as strong as the typhoon. My will was important, my life was linked to my parents’. They suffered because of me and thus I lived for them. I wanted to get well and live like normal people ,last but not least support my parents. Repaying them back like other children, I did not give them the happiness that all children can give their parents already so I hoped that I can repay them for their care and concern all over this ill-fated years.

Suddenly, the door creaked opened and Miss See popped in. I dropped my pencil on the bed in shocked and hid my diary under the blanket.

“Its time for your chemotherapy.” She said and helped me up. I went with her reluctantly…

I remembered Mr Chong was talking about the dog abuse that happened recently. So I decided to dedicated this post to all the dogs that deserve to live in this world as much as us. Below is a story that I liked very much about dogs. It is written in a puppy’s point of view and it is quite a nice story if you asked me.

Taken from http://www.quizilla.com/stories/3035697/this-is-sad-it-will-make-you-crytear.

How could you? When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was “bad,” you’d shake your finger at me and ask “How could you?”-but then you’d relent and roll me over for a belly rub. My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because “ice cream is bad for dogs” you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day. Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a “dog person”, still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a “prisoner of love.” As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch-because your touch was now so infrequent-and I would’ve defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered “yes” and changed the subject. I had gone from being “your dog” to “just a dog,” and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You’ve made the right decision for your “family,” but there was a time when I was your only family. I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said “I know you will find a good home for her.” They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with “papers.” You had to pry your son’s fingers loose from my collar as he screamed “No, Daddy! Please don’tlet them take my dog!” And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked “How could you?” They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind-that this was all a bad dream…or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured “How could you?” Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said “I’m so sorry.” She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn’t be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself-a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place.

Well, do you like this. Did you cry? I almost did. It reminded me of my friend’s dog, “Ah Girl”. Ah Girl is a very fierce dog and she is the actual dog that help me to overcome my phobia of dogs. When I was young I used to be afraid of dogs. Whenever a dog came near me, you could see me running away, disappearing in a second. This finally stopped as I started to visit my friend’s house almost everyday. At first, I would always freeze at the door and refusing to move even an inch as the dog barked.  Then I tried to move alittle by a little and found out that the dog’s bites aren’t that pain at all. It’s no wonder they say that a dog’s bark is worse than it’s bite. It’s bark was loud, and could be heard from the first floor. I slowly got use to the barking but now I could hear it no more.  She is gone. You would have thought that she died but she didn’t. I don’t know where she might have gone to. Neither does my friend.  What happened was that her daddy  took the dog somewhere while she went back to Malaysia. When she went back home with her mother ,the dog was already gone. Her mother cried for many days. Her eyes turned red and swollen but my friend’s daddy won’t revealed the place that he had sent the dog to, no matter how hard they cried. Sometimes, I really don’t understand people like my friend’s dad. I wondered why did he used money as much as 1 thousand dollars to buy a dog and give it away after feelings towards that dog are developed and sometimes fades. Dogs have them rights to live too, although they do not speak to defence their rights. Heartless beings made use of their disability to speak and defence their right to hurt their feelings and more heartless beings inflict physical pain on them. Maybe scientist should design a device to help them speak, to voice out their rights. Then will humans ponder upon their wrongs and redress the grievances of the poor souls.

Dreams

I used to dream a lot. Whether it’s in terms of daydreaming or really dreaming in my deep slumber. I remember that I can have up till five dreams in one night. Some of them are really exciting, making me very tired when I woke up. Some are very real, thus sometimes I get confused between my dreams and the reality. Some becomes a reality. I bet you don’t understand this statement. A few of the dreams that I dreamt had become reality. How I know this… It is because sometimes I found some of my surrounding familiar. Finally after much thinking, I realised that I experienced this in my dreams. I always thought that dreams are really inexplicable. By dreaming, we use a short period of time to dream up something that actually takes quite a lot of time to be completed if you do it in the real world. Once I had this weird dream…

I was taking this lift that trapped everyone in. There was no connection on the phone or whatsoever. Everyone was panicking when the walls of the lift changes into rainbow colour, started jerking and fell down. The force of the air made me sure that the lift was falling not going up. Everyone was frightened and suddenly the lifts speaks up. “You are supposed to hide and not let the master finds you,”the lift bellowed.

The doors opened with a irritating creaking sound and everyone runs out. I was alone and scared. I was scared of the unpredictable. What will happen to me? I ran and ran without stopping. It was weird but I never felt out of breath. I just kept on running and kept a lookout for the “master”.
I run into this weird shop which was brown in colour. Everything was brown including me. Then I saw a girl that I remembered seeing in the lift. She saw me too. She held onto my hand and we discussed where to hide. Then she thought of the toilet. The female one. She said that the master was a male thus he won’t be able to get in. There was a white light and I woke up…

This is one of the dream I remembered. I get this kind of dreams now and then. It is really irritating as I can’t get my proper sleep. I hate this but sometimes it is quite interesting too. I hopes this happen to me when I am free and not when I am busy.
To Miss Sharon … You are just joking right? Hahas.

Funny Videos

❣So alone but happy!

To Miss Sharon about staying at my grandmother’s house… You have to ask her. Hahas
SATURDAY, MAY 3, 2008

HoHoHo!!! Went out alone today cause I can’t stand the BOREDOM at home. Didn’t actually know where to go at first. So i went to the bus stop and took a peek at the board to see where i can go. At last i decided to go to the library. hahas. Nowhere else to go, didn’t want to go shopping again cause just went on labour day with meimei. Laugh out loud. The guys at new urban male were very friendly. He allowed me to have a discount althiugh I have forgot to bring my student card. He used his. At first, he lied to me and said that there is no such thing. Hahas. So bad! And i actually believed him. OMG… Stupid me again. Back to today. Board on 198, and went to the library. I tried to search for the entrance, but i can’t find it and went a long long way before i finally found it and went in. I walked for awhile, then went to JEC, had my favourite hazelnut ice cream with waffle at Original mix
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Then i ate it at the interchange…

Then i saw this auntie who was staring at me when i was eating. Hahas. Thought it was pretty interesting to take a photo of her. So i secretly took a photo of her. I think i can become a paparazzi. Took quite a lot of photo without people knowing. Hehe.

In conclusion who says that one can’t be happy if she is alone.